"Whatever you can do, or dream you can. Begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. How to get whatever you want- do whatever it takes! Everyone achieves in life, makes decisions to do so. The mountain climber who conquer Mt. Everest is the one who says ' I WILL DO IT' those who proclaim. 'i'll give it my best shot', or 'i'll have a go' or 'i'll try' will likely come home early. You will need inner strength on day to day, min to min basis if your want to be able to fulfill your commitment to the standards set by your sense of purpose. You will be faced with a persistent temptation to compromise your values.

Smile be happy. Compare to the worthless guy, I have a gem with me- my child, that I'm so proud of. Happiness comes from within. Find anything that is good. Smile at anything even ppl think you're stupid. For those who only know how to criticise fail to be happy and contented."

Thanks friend.

June hols suck big time! Waking up every morning feeling like a walking zombie. Once step into the school, feel like going home to sleep alr! I'm so so glad that it's ending in 2 days! ENDURE for 2 more days!

I'm officially sick..Down with cold and sore throat..Feeling like argh.. and Shayenne is not giving the family any slack or any peace moments! My maid is not coming back...which added more stress to the ppl in the house...mentally and physically draining.everything.

once you lose it, you lose it forever

OMG I'm so tired. Slept at 8pm and woke up at 10 cause I was so hungry! Ate biscuit dip dip fresh milk :))

I'm still not use to waking up in the early morning. Wake up at 6.30 prepare myself and Shayennne for school. Went for excursion today at East Coast Park Lilliputt Indoor mini golf...Because there were other branches children, the whole place was with crazy children! Had to shout and scold and really vomit blood.

Had games along the ECP hut..and I got shouted at by one Indian for the kids kicking the sand around. like WTF.. right in my face. Apparently he was a homeless guy carrying his pillow around, drinking bourbon coke in the bottle and smoking some handmade cigarette. Children will always be children what..go crazy at the beach.

It was so boring at the indoor golf..and freezing cold! Air con machiam free. The children had 2 hours session. They were all like sweeping the golf ball with the putter. Some swinging it around, most of the children JUST ANYHOW WHACK and my feet got hit by one flying ball, pain! happily, one of my primary 1's got hit by the putter and bled..Had a hard time overseeing the kids and controlling them. WILD!

cannot take it alr. I'll faint by the time sch hols end...and MY MAID!! I MISS YOU! 13 June faster come pls!!

1st June onwards..I must be happy..I'm happy, I am happy, I must be happy! Happy happy post, happy happy day!! :))

CMI alr...slept at 5.30am yst watching 2012..nice show!

Fly kite today! No wind at all..didn't know fly kite must run and run and run so much! and the field is so big. my arms have no energy now alr...

Not feeling well now..having headache and my nose is killing me. argh, pissing me off!

Didn't manage to wake up early this morning. Cause I was talking to somebody on the phone till 4.30am eating my ba chor mee! Rushed and hurried Shayenne to the childcare. Managed to say goodbye to my maid before she leave 3 weeks for Sri Lanka. The childcare's so cool! It's inside a condo and right beside the baby pool! Saw a red Ferrari at the car park, cool!! Don't really like the childcare..but heck, it's gonna be for a month only.

School is getting so relax so free and easy. Everyday do word search, print assessment, mark, tea break, eat and go home :))

I'm so not gonna survive June. Firstly, my maid is going back to her country for 3 weeks! Being the only daughter in the house and my mum body is not very good, I have to undertake the maid-in-house chores!!

School holidays are also in June. Which means I got to work from 8am-7pm. My parents are working also. Transport for Shayenne is gonna be a big problem cause nobody can pick her up! Got to arrange a childcare that can transport her from Punggol in the morning and send her to my school at evening cause I'm working till 7pm! and if Shayenne fall sick, it's gonna be a bigger problem!

Everyday at work, I'll see the kids parent picking their child up, either mum or dad or both will come together. Shayenne will only have her mum to pick her up, or rather, her mum can't even pick her up from school cause she'll be transported. I'll just stand there and admire the children whose parent come to pick them up. The way they hug their parent and call them mummy or daddy. Single mum is never easy ..even with the support from family and friends, it's still very, very hard...

I have exactly 15 mins to blog cause my internet security gonna stop at 2am!

School's super slack! Watched Ratatouille yst and Avatar today :) Rush and rush after work today. Didn't manage to eat my dinner and I was starving through out the tuition class.

Gonna be a very busy JUNE!! I have activities packed! So many 21st Birthdays and IJ gathering! The children would be going for golf and beach outing! Plus bowling and watching Toy story 3 at some cinema! whohohoo and teachers go for free :))

GIVE ME BANANA PRATA OR I WILL BURN YOUR PRATA SHOP DOWN!

OKAY! I slept at 4 and woke up at 10.30am today! I dreamt that I was taking aeroplane to Brunei with Yiying and our Npcc juniors. Then, I was munching down half a loaf of bread which tasted so delicious in the dream! Then I suddenly rmb that I was becoming fat, so I woke up immediately.

Work was quite slack yst, watched disney and looney tune cartoon, played boogle. My job allows me to play word games everyday? Hmmm.. Shall not blog what happened yst, a series of unfortunate events starting from the moment I started work.

Sometimes the running road gets too long and you become weary. People from everywhere knocks you down, some helps you, but it does more harm than good. I'm running a marathon that has no finishing line. I don't even know if I'm on the running track or not. Just keep running blindly hoping it'll take me somewhere?? I can't go back to the starting point, I can't see the ending point. I'm stucked, so stucked...

Indifference

Today was the best day of work. For the whole day, the children and I watched Tom and Jerry, Spongebob Squarepants and movies. With the projector and sound system, the classroom almost turn into a cinema. Didn't know doing nothing also can be tiring cause there's nothing to do.

I hate going to school's toilet! It's always so spacious, empty and quiet...and..I'm scared! scared of ghost..LOL.

It's a friday and I'm home early after tuition!

Finally, I got a chance to draw some money from my bank. Pay day is SO LATE! wtf. Yays! Finally bought my coloured contacts :)) Got my french mani done at Punggol Interchange. Will continue to get my nails done there! cause it's like super near my house and I can get my nails done again if it's ruin. After one session of manicure I am friends with the lady working there alr.

My weekends are...makes me look like an emo potato.

I'm starting to find more enjoyment in school with the kids! My primary one kids are all Wondergirls fan. Everyday "nobody nobody but chu!". Today they started on lady gaga bad romance, paparazzi, baby and down! HAHHhA. we all have something in common alr.

Tmr, I'm gonna impart all the camp songs to them! all the long lost cheers and campfire songs!! whooohooo! the kids are so gonna love it :))

I asked my love, to take a walk.

To take a walk, down Orchard Road.

Bypass Mandarin, to Centre-point,

We had our lunch, at Macdonalds.

We had fillet, and apple pie,

We shared a cup, of lemon lime.

I hold her hands, look into her eyes,

And asked her to, be my valentine.

Now I'm confined, in NPCC,

I miss you so, my sweet honey.

I promise you, when I book out,

I'll call you out, and date you out.

There was one night, there was no light.

There was no light, so we used torchlight.

Under clear moonlight, look into her eyes,

I asked her to be my future wife.

She rejected me, she turned me down.

She turned around, and said goodbye.

I was so sad, now she has gone,

So I turned my way, to the airport.

When I reached airport, I was alone.

I looked around, and saw my love.

There was one guy, standing beside her

I was so sad, I departed.

So I name this song, a sad sad song.

Cause it breaks my heart, and fills it with tears.

Oh my darling, now that you have gone,

Left me alone, to sing this song.

She's Bulletproof
Oooh ooooh oh oh ooooh

It was love before
Girl I know your heart's been through the storm and more
I can tell you barely survive
Girl my love will be the same
I’m not tryna run no games
I just want your tears to dry

Your heart's the target
But every time I fire I can’t get through through through
I fight my hardest but I'm runnin out of weapons to use use
But losing's not an option
So I keep shootin my love away
Keep shootin my love away
Damn this girl is bulletproof proof
But I, Keep shootin my love away
Keep shootin my love away
Damn this girl is bulletproof proof (She’s bulletproof)

Feels like we both at war
Out of ammo, can’t shoot no more
What do you want from me
I can feel you reachin out now
But you gotta let your guard down
Why’s it so hard to see oooh

Your heart's the target
But every time I fire I can’t get through through through
I fight my hardest but I'm runnin out of weapons to use use
But losing's not an option
So I, keep shootin my love away
Keep shootin my love away
Damn this girl is bulletproof proof
But I, Keep shootin my love away
Keep shootin my love away
Damn this girl is bulletproof proof (She’s bulletproof)

Ooooh ooooh oh oh ooooh [x2]

Your heart's the target
But every time I fire I can’t get through through through
I fight my hardest but I'm runnin out of weapons to use use
But losing's not an option
So I keep shootin my love away
Keep shootin my love away
Damn this girl is bulletproof proof
But I, Keep shootin my love away
Keep shootin my love away
Damn this girl is bulletproof proof (She’s bulletproof)

Why is everybody having holiday tmr and I'm not!! Instead I've got to work 8am-7pm! grrs...11 hours stuck in school.Thinking of whether should I bring my bathing stuff and bath in school in the afternoon.really dunno how to survive tmr!!!

Yst night was a whoohoo!!~

Another day closer to pay day! So fast gonna be a friday again... and I wanna watch my Donnie Yen!!! School was alright today. Super otot. Did word search with them until we all got headache. Kids will always be kids. On every little thing that happen they will come and report to you and tell you. ya..maybe they look up to you as someone who can do some justice to their small problems.BUT..HURR... The kids today came up with a stupid url- wwww.mscarmen.com.sg. LMAO.

Thanks for willing to give up the custody. Appreciated.

I shall summarise what I wanna say to you in this song :)

WHAT A WEDNESDAY! I hate weds. Yucks. My throat is killing me. It's so unfair. I had to take 2 classes on every weds while other teachers take 1. Just because the Primary 3's are sharing classroom with my Primary 1's. 30 kids eh!! The boys are like whohoo! troublemaker, mini ah bengs and whatevernot. To make things worse..I had to do 1-1 teaching to the i-can-vomit-blood-boy. He can't even do 9 minus 6 using his fingers. SO I had to draw 9 circles and ask him cancel 6 and count the remainder...But I survived wednesday!

Went to AWARE for counseling with my parents..It's like going through all the 4 years of hurt and bad memories all over again.I hate it. Now I understand why a tissue box is always there on the counseling table. Trying to mend up the hurt I caused to my parents for these past 4 years. Each session cost 60 bucks! and dad's car kena summon- $100.

End of my day with ah bu nei nei rojak and prata!!! whohohoohoohohhoo :))) Today's lunar 15. Ate vegetarian for lunch and dinner and check the moon out! So beautiful today :) awww... :))

'dolle naa lost'

You think it's fun saying one thing and doing another?! All the bullshits and lies you told me right from the start. Why didn't you just die at Brunei hur? Come back and create troubles and more problems for everyone around you. Don't blame on another for twisting the story, telling lies around, you chose that girl yourself. So whatever that woman said, you have a part to blame yourself too! Why can't just you rot in your own world and STOP screwing up MY life. Whatever F* shit you wanna do with that woman is none of the world's business! Your life ain't drama enough alr is it? Wanna create a Part 2 part 3?! I'm telling you, just sign that F*ing piece of paper and we are through. F*ing stop bothering me or wait for me anymore. Utterly disappointed in you. For many times, I really thought of forgiving you and giving you a 3 yrs period. I shouldn't even had allow you to affect any part of my life. Damn.

Asked my dad to pick me up from school cause I was too lazy to make my way home :) Bought buddy meal and durian!! my KFC craving and durian! whohoo. Was hungry to the max by the time I got home.

monday blues..

Woke up at 6am and found Shayenne burning hot. Woke up to gave her medicine. As usual, struggle and cry. Had a hard time forcing 3ml of paracetamol. Didn't sleep well cause she kept crying on off.

Was alr late for work and of all time it had to rain when I'm going for work!! By the time I got to school my shoe was soaked and I was half drenched. Didn't manage to eat lunch. grrs only my Pokka apple tea. and tea break was only a few pathetic pieces of biscuit. Was dying of hunger alr when I knock off. Just as I expected, my dad's car was waiting outside school for me..

I spending some random time thinking, if I have another girl in the future, I would name her Faith ! :) boy, would be either Jayden or Kayden or Armageddon. WahahA! just some random thinking.

Nothin' on you

My weeks seem to fly super fast! Especially weekends. Will be the month of May next week alr!

Went for Kiara's church in the morning today and lunch at SSC with the babies eating mixed rice vege. Dinner at home with my family, Kiara, Tyron and babies. long day and tiring. Super drained out now.

What's between reality, fact, lies and illusion. I really can't tell anymore. I don't even know where am I heading to. headless SOTONG.

no mood. waiting for PAY DAY!! my list of things to do!

-get a blue or hazelnut coloured contact
-do french manicure
-cotton on
-bugis with Kim Tiang
-give mummy and daddy $$
-invest more books on Shayenne
-buy more goodies for Shayenne
-drink more fuji apple and pokka tea
-buffet anybody?
-tanning with girls

HappeningS (plural form)

Yes! It has been so happening these past few weeks! Should I be even laughing or crying at the thing that happen one after another.

Super hungry everyday after work. Can eat and eat and eat for the whole night till 2am. My shoulder and neck pain is killing me. Good news or rather bad news! My tuition centre's opening up a new class for me..Which means my days are gonna be like pack to the max! and I'm gonna to be shag and busy to the max!

I dread friday to come..even though it's the last day of the week. Teach non stop the whole day till night and got to settle my dinner outside alone. Tsk tsk.

I have a joker at home and her name is Shayenne. She has grown taller and talks alot now. super funny communicating with her and asking her to follow instructions :)

Self conscience: I spend a lot time and effort on other people's children, but not on my child. Irony isn't it... The patience I have and effort I put in to teach other ppl's children compared to mine.

I'm in love with salted egg prawn now!! and I'm so so so gonna catch IP Man 2 and Iron Man!!!!!

God will make a way where there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see. He will make a way for me. With love and strength for each new day. He will make a way...

I need peace. Peace in my heart and mind. Peace in the people around me. I feel like breaking down once again. I'm drained, I'm stressed, I'm weak.